I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Randomize
