yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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