can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
