I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
