pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
