Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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