i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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