also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
If I die, sorry about rent.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
