Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
