Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
