I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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