can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
