You smell like stripper and shame
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
