Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
