I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
