I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
50% drunk capacity currently
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
