the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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