Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
