I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
