Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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