community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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