bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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