You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
