all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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