You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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