my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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