i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
