he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
