Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
