That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
