is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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