I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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