I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
