If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
