it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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