I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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