I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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