I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
