Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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