Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
