walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
