were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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