Is it because I queefed?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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