i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize