i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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