dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
her vagine was all disorganized.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
