oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
