so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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