My nipple is on Facebook.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
