Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
