I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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