Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
