'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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