Plan B is the new Plan A
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
