What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
