Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
