I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
