OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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