I heard we made out
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
my sisters under your porch take her home
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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