Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
