I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
