butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
