I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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