she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
