Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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