What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
