I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I FOUND THE LEGS
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
