You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
