you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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